Friday, February 24, 2012

hold my hand

Wow. Day 3 and I'm already behind! I will mention that I did read Scripture yesterday and wrote some notes, but it was the Scripture for Sunday since I'm preaching. So I'll wait to post about that until after I write my sermon :o)

Here are some reflections for Thursday:

Two verses of Psalm 37 (vv. 24 & 25) struck me today:
"Our steps are directed by the LORD; * he strengthens those in whose way he delights.
If they stumble, they shall not fall headlong, * for the LORD holds them by the hand."

I am in a great place right now. My future is looking bright, and it seems like (except for GOE scores) all the news I have been getting lately is good news. Yet, all this good news is making me feel suspicious. Why should I have it so easy? Is all of this happening because I said yes? But if that's true, then why aren't all my friends in the same place? What's the catch, God? I keep looking around my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to get the phone call that something terrible has happened.

Yesterday (Thursday) I met with my spiritual director. I told her all of my good news and my hesitation to live into that news. She told me that the nagging voice in the back of my head filled with suspicion and doubt is NOT the voice of God, but the voice of one trying to lead me into what she calls a place of "spiritual desolation." She suggested that when I feel that I am being led down that path, I should follow Ignatian wisdom and:

Insist a little more on
    1. self-examination
    2. meditation (tell yourself the TRUTH)
    3. prayer (since you can't fix yourself, turn the care of your life over to God...ask for the grace of God's help)
    4. small acts of courage (do little things that stand in firm contrast to what the wrong spirit is trying to convince you of)

What great advice! I left our meeting feeling relieved. Since it was sunny out, I decided to take a walk and enjoy the day. I know that I can't stay in this happy place forever, that eventually I will have to come down from my cloud, but until then I will attempt to rest in the knowledge that God is with me, regardless of what happens, and God will give me the strength to get through both the good and the not-so-good times. But for now, I will try to live into the joy of the present moment. After all, joy is my word of the year :o)

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