Wednesday, July 25, 2012

sheep in the midst of wolves

One week from today will be my first day as Assistant Rector for Mission and Youth at All Saints. While I'm excited to go back and see and work with/for people I know and love, I must admit that I'm a little nervous. It's not so much about having to get used to wearing professional clothing again or trying to figure out what to wear with a collar (somehow I don't think my usual outfit of jeans will be acceptable anymore). It's also not worrying about how badly I'm going to mess up reading the Gospel or preparing the table for the Eucharist (though the thought has crossed my mind at least once...every time I'm serving). No, what I'm really worried about is that I don't have what it takes. 

Now, before you react, hear me out.

Two nights ago I watched an episode of "Rev.", the British comedy about an Anglican priest in an urban London parish. In this particular episode, the rector is having a crisis of faith. I won't tell you how the episode goes, but I will say that it brought to mind some of the really difficult things a priest has to deal with on a pretty regular basis. Being ordained is not simply about preparing sermons, organizing youth lock-ins, and baptizing cute little gurgling babies. We also have the awesome privilege of being present with people at some really intense times, like when a parishioner is put on hospice, when a family loses their house in a fire, and when a disaster (natural or otherwise) pays the town a visit. What do you say when these things happen? 

I'm not implying that I haven't had excellent training in seminary or CPE or personal experiences of pain that I can draw from to help. What I'm saying is that I don't have what it takes to face these situations on my ownI constantly act as if I'm on my own, forgetting that God is present as well. 

In the Gospel reading for today Jesus said these words before sending his disciples out into the world: 
"When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say; for what you are to say will be given to you at that time; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you" (Matthew 10:19-20).

Sometimes it can feel like we have been sent out as "sheep in the midst of wolves" (Matthew 10:16). But even in the most difficult of times, we can take comfort in knowing that we are never truly on our own, for God is with us.

http://kingsenglish.info/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/sheep-among-wolves.jpg

6 comments:

  1. I am confident that when you are called upon, you will have all that you need to do all that you can, and that will be more than enough. Your mind, heart, and soul have and will continue to provide happiness and comfort, perspective and optimism, humanity and a glimpse of the divine. There may be some slippery steps, as rocks in a river, but they'll get easier to keep balance on as you get your feet wet; and if you slip up from time to time, as long as you keep your head above water and reach for your Rock, you'll be back on your feet in no time.

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    1. Thanks for your sweet comment, Scott! I appreciate the encouragement :o)

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  2. Lara, you are spot on. Be creative with the collar, most people will appreciate your interpretation of who you are as a priest. I have a nice black pair of jeans and jacket that works for me. Even though I have been ordained for a long time now, I still get that feeling. I think it is God's way of reminding me in case I forget that this has been and always will be a partnership not a solo run.

    It has been a challenging week of house selling for us. I miss my YASC friends, I have had you in my prayers. I know you are all in transition too.

    Check your About me section--you are alumni now. Peace out.

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    1. Finally figured out how to comment on this thing. Already sent you a fb message, but wanted to thank you again for your comment!

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  3. Don't forget that one way God is with us is through our friends and colleagues, Lara. :) In even just the first few weeks, I've realized how true all that advice is that one of our most valuable assets for ministry is our classmates. When we feel all alone, it's probably time to talk to our boss or call a colleague. At least that's been my experience so far.

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    1. Good reminder, Kyle! It's easy to forget when we are spread out all over the country, but you're certainly right. So blessed to have such good friends and colleagues :o)

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