If I am being honest, prayer does not always come easily to me. I'm not talking about prayer in church; surrounded by the voices of my faithful sisters and brothers it's easy for me to join in with confidence. I'm talking about the kind of prayer where I am sitting in my room on my bed, where it's just me and God...and lots of silence.
In my experience, God isn't always the best conversation partner, at least not in the traditional sense. So in the extended silence it's harder for me to feel assured that God is actually listening, or that my prayers even make a difference. I often end up feeling frustrated or like a failure. But I keep on trying. And sometimes, days--even weeks--later, I catch a glimpse of something or someone says something to me, and in that moment I know that even if what I prayed for has not come to pass, God really was listening the whole time.
Picasso
Oh man, I think I know what you mean. For what it's worth, Lara, I find Brother Roger of Taizé very helpful on these matters. There's a lovely, very digestable collection of his writings that has helped me a lot. Bert currently has my copy, but I highly recommend it. Hat tip to Kristin for sharing it with me a couple years back.
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